A drunk twenty-two year old man in a Maine town near the border with New Brunswick managed to kill himself yesterday by placing a mortar tube on the top of his head, attempting to launch the firework, with himself as Cape Canaveral.  His instantaneous death caused his drunk friends, perhaps,
to transition suddenly from laughter to "Whoah, dude!"
     The article, from The Guardian, adds that this death is the first "since the state legalized fireworks on 1 January 2012..."  Maine had banned fireworks in 1949, but in 2011 lawmakers repealed the law, "reasoning that the industry would create jobs and generate additional revenue."
     And lessen the state's moron population. 
     I don't like fireworks.  For several days before and after July 4, it's typical wherever I've lived to hear those things pop at all hours of the day and night.  Some of them boom, some crackle, all have in common the unnerving property of noises interrupting peace with no regular pattern.  Steady rhythms, even noisy ones, can be tolerated because the brain gets used to them, but goblins with gunpowder "celebrating freedom" by supposedly honoring the signing of the Declaration of Independence, make their chaotic sounds with no sense of how annoying their actions are to those who're trying to sleep or concentrate.
     Firecracker Head in Maine died of dumbassitis, a fatal condition I identified a few years ago when I began thinking about how some people die in ridiculous ways, as with yesterday's incident.  Apart from the potentially serious or mortal damage caused by lighting a firecracker on one's head, this person "celebrating" freedom, afflicted with dumbassitis, was too stupid not to put a firecracker on his head and light it.  Hence, the real cause of his death.

                                                                             Vic Neptune